It is an official weigh-in day! And I'm actually writing about it! I don't know if lately I've been too busy or if I've just been ashamed to write about my weigh-ins but I'm doing it this time! Last week I weighed in at 171.6 and today I weighed in at 171.4! Woo! That's a loss of .2 lbs thank you. Haha, I'm really just happy I didn't gain weight this week. I've got to get my food intake back in check if I'm ever going to actually reach the goals I have set for myself.
My life/schedule is absolutely crazy lately and there are days when I find it difficult to get everything into one day that I need to. A general day lately looks like this:
8:00 AM Girls wake up (this is much earlier than usual for them and I'm not liking this new trend. Not a morning person here.)
8-9 Girls breakfast, dressed, etc
11:00 AM Swim lessons for jayde
12:00 PM lunch
1:00 PM Nap time for Harper
1-4 Play with Jayde, catch up around the house
5:00 PM kiss The Husband on the way out the door and SPEED to the gym or run in our neighborhood
6:00 PM Shower
6:15 PM shove dinner in my face
6:30 PM Leave the house and SPEED to rehearsal
10:30 PM get home, chill and go to bed.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Needless to say I'm super tired and I miss The Husband a lot. I thoroughly enjoy theatre and I love the friends I've made this is show but sometimes it's hard to be gone so much. It's also taxing on my work out time. If The Husband gets home a little late for some reason I won't have time to go to the gym, and if it's way too hot I can't run outside. its hard to make sure I'm doing all the things I need to in order to begin this last portion of my weight loss.
If nothing else, this show is over in just a few weeks and life will go back to normal, right?
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Emotional Journey
When I started this blog I wanted it to be a documentation of my weight loss journey and a place for people to look for commonality. We all need to/want to or know someone who needs to/wants to lose weight. It is a huge thing(no pun intended) in our community. I write down what happens because I want to be able to look back and know exactly what I went through and I want others to have someone to talk to and know they are going through the same struggles. With that being said, I want to talk about all parts of the weight loss process.
Weight loss is just as much an emotional journey as it is a physical one. When I was overweight I had terrible self-esteem. As the weight began to come off my self-esteem began to grow. I was more confident in myself and the way I looked. I have written previously that at some point that self-esteem that I had gained took a downward turn and suddenly I was right back where I started. Last time I posted I wrote that I was ready to start losing weight again and reach my goals. What I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't in a good emotional state to begin my journey again. In fact I was in a rather terrible emotional state.
I was always the girl who could pretend to be pretty confident. I acted like I was very sure of myself but really very few people knew how self-conscious I really was. Especially when it came to my weight. As I lost weight I thought I had fixed my self issues. Then recently I had a few experiences that took my downward spiral into a straight downward plunge.
I do musical theatre as a hobby and also as a personal need. I love it. I have to do it. For the past few months I had been preparing for a specific audition. I wanted a specific part so badly. My dream role. I prepared for weeks and talked about the show and how cool it would be to be cast with another friend who also wanted and had a dream role in this particular show. To make sure I wasn't going to get my heart totally broken I also auditioned for another musical, just so I had more options. My auditions went ok, but not great apparently and I got called back to dance but not at all to sing for the part I wanted or any other featured role. I was broken. That friend (who is beautiful and greatly talented) got the role she wanted. I was absolutely mortified that I had even spoken with her about my desires and thought I could possibly have a chance at being cast.
The Husband and I bought a house. We were so thrilled with the deal we got, the neighborhood and the opportunity we had to make the house our own. It's little and has great potential but needs work. Some of our friends also bought a house. Their house is beautiful. It is much more expensive but just immaculate. I felt embarrassed showing them our house, and felt silly for even thinking our house was nice.
Now these little stories might seem like I am just jealous. And that emotion was definitely felt, don't get me wrong. But there was more to it than that. A lesson to be learned from both. I needed to find confidence in myself for real this time. Not just fake it. I may not have the things that other people have or the things that I want. I am not the most physically attractive person in the world. But I am confident in what I have. Somehow going through these hard experiences of comparing myself to other people made me come out a better, more self-confident, strong person. I know who I am and what I have. I love the things I have. I am so grateful for my husband and beautiful daughters. I love that I get to sing and dance on stage at all even if it's not my dream role or a lead. I am so grateful we have a house. Maybe someday we'll have a big and fancy one but for now this house is perfect and spunky just like our little family.
So, with those life lessons learned and my emotional health back in check I have decided to continue on my weight loss journey. Not for the sake of losing weight per say but because I set a goal. Yes, that goal had a weight number to achieve and I will still be aiming for that goal. But I also set the goal of reaching a normal BMI and body fat percentage. I don't want to have any reason to be ashamed of myself, including in front of doctors. And that is what I have decided to do in order to feel that way. So here goes! I'm excited and nervous because I know it will be hard. Lucky for me I have great family and friends who support me!
Weight loss is just as much an emotional journey as it is a physical one. When I was overweight I had terrible self-esteem. As the weight began to come off my self-esteem began to grow. I was more confident in myself and the way I looked. I have written previously that at some point that self-esteem that I had gained took a downward turn and suddenly I was right back where I started. Last time I posted I wrote that I was ready to start losing weight again and reach my goals. What I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't in a good emotional state to begin my journey again. In fact I was in a rather terrible emotional state.
I was always the girl who could pretend to be pretty confident. I acted like I was very sure of myself but really very few people knew how self-conscious I really was. Especially when it came to my weight. As I lost weight I thought I had fixed my self issues. Then recently I had a few experiences that took my downward spiral into a straight downward plunge.
I do musical theatre as a hobby and also as a personal need. I love it. I have to do it. For the past few months I had been preparing for a specific audition. I wanted a specific part so badly. My dream role. I prepared for weeks and talked about the show and how cool it would be to be cast with another friend who also wanted and had a dream role in this particular show. To make sure I wasn't going to get my heart totally broken I also auditioned for another musical, just so I had more options. My auditions went ok, but not great apparently and I got called back to dance but not at all to sing for the part I wanted or any other featured role. I was broken. That friend (who is beautiful and greatly talented) got the role she wanted. I was absolutely mortified that I had even spoken with her about my desires and thought I could possibly have a chance at being cast.
The Husband and I bought a house. We were so thrilled with the deal we got, the neighborhood and the opportunity we had to make the house our own. It's little and has great potential but needs work. Some of our friends also bought a house. Their house is beautiful. It is much more expensive but just immaculate. I felt embarrassed showing them our house, and felt silly for even thinking our house was nice.
Now these little stories might seem like I am just jealous. And that emotion was definitely felt, don't get me wrong. But there was more to it than that. A lesson to be learned from both. I needed to find confidence in myself for real this time. Not just fake it. I may not have the things that other people have or the things that I want. I am not the most physically attractive person in the world. But I am confident in what I have. Somehow going through these hard experiences of comparing myself to other people made me come out a better, more self-confident, strong person. I know who I am and what I have. I love the things I have. I am so grateful for my husband and beautiful daughters. I love that I get to sing and dance on stage at all even if it's not my dream role or a lead. I am so grateful we have a house. Maybe someday we'll have a big and fancy one but for now this house is perfect and spunky just like our little family.
So, with those life lessons learned and my emotional health back in check I have decided to continue on my weight loss journey. Not for the sake of losing weight per say but because I set a goal. Yes, that goal had a weight number to achieve and I will still be aiming for that goal. But I also set the goal of reaching a normal BMI and body fat percentage. I don't want to have any reason to be ashamed of myself, including in front of doctors. And that is what I have decided to do in order to feel that way. So here goes! I'm excited and nervous because I know it will be hard. Lucky for me I have great family and friends who support me!
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Starting Again
I'm ready. I have really taken these past 3 weeks to rebel against the things I've taught myself to be good at in the past year (exercising and eating well). I ate absolutely horribly and exercised twice a week if that. And I kinda loved it and hated it all at the same time.
That first week or so after I stopped weighing in I went down to St. George to spend time with my mom and I went running once in the 5 days I was there. It honestly felt so good to know that I didn't have to run or exercise to lose weight because I wasn't weighing in. I only had to exercise if I wanted to. Plus I got to spend time with my mom shopping and letting her spend time with my girls. Wonderful.
Then we bought a house! Holy stressful and exciting all at the same time. So being able to take time to do other things and not having exercising be my number one priority was definitely needed.
With all of that being said...I'm ready to get back to feeling good about my body. Not necessarily about how my body looks (that will come too) but about how I feel in my body. I want to feel strong and capable. I want to be in shape. And I want to reach the goals that I set for myself. I know I can do it.
So here goes!
I previously weighed in at 172.8 and I weighed in last night at 172.8! So not gaining any weight these past 3 weeks is great. No damage there to fix. So now I can truly focus on getting to goal weight and size.
Goals:
Exercise 5 times a week
Lift weights 3 times a week
1500 calories a day
70 oz of water a day
Let's do this!
That first week or so after I stopped weighing in I went down to St. George to spend time with my mom and I went running once in the 5 days I was there. It honestly felt so good to know that I didn't have to run or exercise to lose weight because I wasn't weighing in. I only had to exercise if I wanted to. Plus I got to spend time with my mom shopping and letting her spend time with my girls. Wonderful.
Then we bought a house! Holy stressful and exciting all at the same time. So being able to take time to do other things and not having exercising be my number one priority was definitely needed.
With all of that being said...I'm ready to get back to feeling good about my body. Not necessarily about how my body looks (that will come too) but about how I feel in my body. I want to feel strong and capable. I want to be in shape. And I want to reach the goals that I set for myself. I know I can do it.
So here goes!
I previously weighed in at 172.8 and I weighed in last night at 172.8! So not gaining any weight these past 3 weeks is great. No damage there to fix. So now I can truly focus on getting to goal weight and size.
Goals:
Exercise 5 times a week
Lift weights 3 times a week
1500 calories a day
70 oz of water a day
Let's do this!
Monday, May 20, 2013
Positively
Losing weight is a very tough thing. Its tough to start, it's tough to do and it's tough to keep off the weight you lose. While losing weight is a very positive choice, it is also full of a lot of negativity, at least in my case.
I chose to lose weight because I was overweight and along with being overweight I hated my body. The way I felt about myself effected everything I did and every relationship I had. That effect might not have been overwhelming but it was always there. After losing 50 lbs I started to like certain things about my body again. I liked how my arms had muscle definition. I liked that my stomach was flat again. I liked that my fingers were tiny and my wedding ring wasn't tight anymore. I even found more things to like when I lost 60 lbs.
Then somewhere around 65 lbs I started to forget about those things I liked about myself. I started focusing on the number on the scale and not how good I felt. My body started to look ugly to me again, never good enough.
Why is it, particularly as women, we feel inadequate? Think about what I had just done for a second (excuse my bragging momentarily). I had lost 65 lbs. I was capable of running for 2 hrs straight! I had reached multiple goals I had set. I was pretty amazing! And yet, even with all those positive things I had done and was capable of doing, I still felt like I was a little worthless.
This week in church someone gave an analogy that really hit home with me: When your child is learning to walk, do you scold them when they fall over? Of course not! They are beginning to learn and find their strength so you continue to encourage and support them. Our Heavenly Father is just like that with us. We are His children, even toddlers in His eyes and we are just learning. No matter what we do, how we fall, He is there to pick us back up and continue to encourage us.
That's what I've decided I need to learn. I need to forgive myself for making mistakes, falling over. I need to get back up and stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to continue to learn and grow.
So I'm concentrating on positive things. I want to find those things I like about myself again. So...here's a short list to start with.
1. I like my eyes. I think they're my best feature.
2. I like my singing voice. I'm not capable of ridiculous vocal feats but I'm good. :)
3. I like my hands. I think they're elegant.
Hopefully this list will continue to grow. I think that's exactly what I need to have happen before I can continue to get to a healthy weight.
I chose to lose weight because I was overweight and along with being overweight I hated my body. The way I felt about myself effected everything I did and every relationship I had. That effect might not have been overwhelming but it was always there. After losing 50 lbs I started to like certain things about my body again. I liked how my arms had muscle definition. I liked that my stomach was flat again. I liked that my fingers were tiny and my wedding ring wasn't tight anymore. I even found more things to like when I lost 60 lbs.
Then somewhere around 65 lbs I started to forget about those things I liked about myself. I started focusing on the number on the scale and not how good I felt. My body started to look ugly to me again, never good enough.
Why is it, particularly as women, we feel inadequate? Think about what I had just done for a second (excuse my bragging momentarily). I had lost 65 lbs. I was capable of running for 2 hrs straight! I had reached multiple goals I had set. I was pretty amazing! And yet, even with all those positive things I had done and was capable of doing, I still felt like I was a little worthless.
This week in church someone gave an analogy that really hit home with me: When your child is learning to walk, do you scold them when they fall over? Of course not! They are beginning to learn and find their strength so you continue to encourage and support them. Our Heavenly Father is just like that with us. We are His children, even toddlers in His eyes and we are just learning. No matter what we do, how we fall, He is there to pick us back up and continue to encourage us.
That's what I've decided I need to learn. I need to forgive myself for making mistakes, falling over. I need to get back up and stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to continue to learn and grow.
So I'm concentrating on positive things. I want to find those things I like about myself again. So...here's a short list to start with.
1. I like my eyes. I think they're my best feature.
2. I like my singing voice. I'm not capable of ridiculous vocal feats but I'm good. :)
3. I like my hands. I think they're elegant.
Hopefully this list will continue to grow. I think that's exactly what I need to have happen before I can continue to get to a healthy weight.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Bit of a Break
I think I've posted before about how I want my mind set to change. There are a lot of times that I forget that I've lost weight and remember how unhappy I was being so overweight. Today was one of those days for me.
I attend a turbo kick class at a community health center. I absolutely love turbo kick. It is my favorite class that I go to every week and I love that it falls on tuesday nights so that after I sweat a ton I can go weigh-in. But the past 2 weeks I've had a hard time in the class. Its been difficult not because of the workout and how well I'm able to do it...but because of how I feel about the way I look. The class is a lot of jumping/dancing/kicking and we do it in front of a wall of mirrors. I realize that I have lost weight and I look about a million times better than I used to but while watching myself in those mirrors all I could think about was how fat I looked. Instead of feeling proud of myself for being able to do the entire 55 minutes of cardio without needing a break, I'm embarrassed because of how my body looks. I realize that a lot of the other women in the class and at the gym in general are probably more concerned with their own body image than looking at me but it doesn't make me any less self-conscious.
So tonight I came home and weighed-in and I had gained 3 lbs. After the Half Marathon on saturday we had a big birthday party for both of our girls. And then I proceeded to relax and eat poorly for the rest of the weekend. Not surprising that I gained weight. However, I did not need to see that number after already feeling fat at my class.
I have decided to take a break from the scale. I am going to continue to count calories and to exercise and do everything how I have been but I am not going to have an official weigh-in for a couple of weeks. I want to concentrate on the way my body feels and the way my clothes fit instead of a number. I want to feel good about myself and not judge my happiness level based on what that scale says every hour. I need to find the peace in being healthy and fit not just being a certain weight.
I will continue to post about my trials and successes so I hope you all continue to read, support and share your stories with me too. This is not at all the end for me and not me giving up either. This is me trying a new technique for a little while.
I attend a turbo kick class at a community health center. I absolutely love turbo kick. It is my favorite class that I go to every week and I love that it falls on tuesday nights so that after I sweat a ton I can go weigh-in. But the past 2 weeks I've had a hard time in the class. Its been difficult not because of the workout and how well I'm able to do it...but because of how I feel about the way I look. The class is a lot of jumping/dancing/kicking and we do it in front of a wall of mirrors. I realize that I have lost weight and I look about a million times better than I used to but while watching myself in those mirrors all I could think about was how fat I looked. Instead of feeling proud of myself for being able to do the entire 55 minutes of cardio without needing a break, I'm embarrassed because of how my body looks. I realize that a lot of the other women in the class and at the gym in general are probably more concerned with their own body image than looking at me but it doesn't make me any less self-conscious.
So tonight I came home and weighed-in and I had gained 3 lbs. After the Half Marathon on saturday we had a big birthday party for both of our girls. And then I proceeded to relax and eat poorly for the rest of the weekend. Not surprising that I gained weight. However, I did not need to see that number after already feeling fat at my class.
I have decided to take a break from the scale. I am going to continue to count calories and to exercise and do everything how I have been but I am not going to have an official weigh-in for a couple of weeks. I want to concentrate on the way my body feels and the way my clothes fit instead of a number. I want to feel good about myself and not judge my happiness level based on what that scale says every hour. I need to find the peace in being healthy and fit not just being a certain weight.
I will continue to post about my trials and successes so I hope you all continue to read, support and share your stories with me too. This is not at all the end for me and not me giving up either. This is me trying a new technique for a little while.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Provo City Half Marathon
I'm not honestly sure at what point I decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Probably about the time that I decided I was going to lose all of the weight I had gained and then some I knew that my life was going to change. But even after all that has changed in my life because of my weight loss and how my body has changed it is still completely amazing and wonderful to me that I was able to completely RUN 13.1 miles.
Saturday morning started bright and early. The race began at 7 AM and we had to be on a bus up to the start line up Provo Canyon by 5:30 AM at the latest. The Husband and I live about 40 minutes from Provo and we had to pick up The Husband's sister that morning too. So that meant our alarms went off at 3:30 AM. Holy cow I am not a morning person...but it was like this didn't even count as morning because it was SO early. We picked Niki up and then headed down to the buses. We were on one of the first 4 buses or so up the canyon.
Once we got to the start point they had about 8 fires going in the fire pits that were near the start. It was awesome that they had those fires going because it was seriously freezing and still dark outside. We got to the fires about 5:10 and just waited until 7:10 when the race started. We went to the bathroom and eventually walked around just to keep warm after getting pushed out of the crowds surrounding the fire pits. There was a bag drop for anything we weren't going to be running with but I didn't even think about wearing extra clothes and my legs and hands were totally freezing! I don't think I started feeling my hands until mile 3 or 4 of the race.
A little before the race started we met up with my brother, Ryan, and his bromance friend, Dave. They had signed up that week to run the race "with" us. Finally, we took some pictures, watched the full marathoners start their race at 7 AM, threw our bags onto the bus for the bag drop and lined up for the race to start!
It only took about a minute to reach the start line and then we were off. Ryan and Dave almost immediately went on ahead of us and Niki went behind us. The Husband and I stuck together...or more like The Husband stuck with me. I had told him a few times it would be ok if he went ahead cause he's so much faster but he told me even before we were running that he was going to stay with me the whole time. And he did. He's kinda awesome.
The first 8 miles or so of the race were down the canyon on a running trail. It was really pretty. And the weather was absolutely perfect. After the first 3 miles we found our rhythm and were mostly by ourselves. We had a couple women we kept leap frogging but we eventually lost them. I'm so grateful I had The Husband with me. About mile 9 I was just tired and wanted to stop...only I didn't want to stop because I promised myself I was going to RUN the whole thing. Having The Husband with me made sure I did that because I wasn't just accountable to myself but to him too.
For quite a while we had the 2:05 pacer right behind us (that's a runner that is running the race purely to help runners finish in the time they want to. They are required to run the whole thing and set the pace for those people with that goal time). He was very enthusiastic. He kept yelling things and saying "We are strong!" and once even said "Slow cars to the right!" I wanted to yell at him right back and tell him to shut up! If I was ahead of him then he was the slow one! Although...they did eventually pass us.
I kept telling myself I wasn't really that concerned with my time but I did have a goal of about 2 hrs 10 minutes or 2:10. At about mile 12 the 2:10 pacer passed us...and I won't lie, I was pissed. I tried to keep up with her and meet that goal but honestly it was just enough that I was running at that point.
As we came into the finish chute I got really emotional. I kept thinking about how amazing it was that I had just run 13 miles. I hadn't walked at all. I never ever thought I would be capable of something like that and I had just finished it. We crossed the finish line with The Husband's arm around me at 2:11:54. Averaged of a 10:04 minute mile. I am honestly so completely happy with that time. Especially for it being my first Half Marathon.
I was crying. I was so happy and so proud of myself. My mom was at the finish line with my girls and my sister. And The Husband's family was there too. Plus Ryan and Dave stayed to see The Husband and I finish(only 40 minutes behind them haha)! I was so happy to have my family there to support me. It was so important to me to reach this goal and it was everything I hoped it would be. I'll definitely be doing one again.
I was also so proud of Niki for running the entire race and making her goal of under 3 hours! She had only run up to 5 miles before the race and she ran the whole time! She even met a friend that helped her make it. So proud!
On a side note-One of the blogs that I follow Runsforcookies.com does a series called Motivational Mondays. She has people post on her facebook wall or email her with their accomplishments from the week. This week I decided to send in my picture and brag a little about the half marathon and she used my picture in her blog post tonight! You guys should go check it out :) There's a link on the right hand side of my blog.
Thank you all for reading and continuing to support me. It is honestly the support I receive that keeps me going.
Saturday morning started bright and early. The race began at 7 AM and we had to be on a bus up to the start line up Provo Canyon by 5:30 AM at the latest. The Husband and I live about 40 minutes from Provo and we had to pick up The Husband's sister that morning too. So that meant our alarms went off at 3:30 AM. Holy cow I am not a morning person...but it was like this didn't even count as morning because it was SO early. We picked Niki up and then headed down to the buses. We were on one of the first 4 buses or so up the canyon.
Once we got to the start point they had about 8 fires going in the fire pits that were near the start. It was awesome that they had those fires going because it was seriously freezing and still dark outside. We got to the fires about 5:10 and just waited until 7:10 when the race started. We went to the bathroom and eventually walked around just to keep warm after getting pushed out of the crowds surrounding the fire pits. There was a bag drop for anything we weren't going to be running with but I didn't even think about wearing extra clothes and my legs and hands were totally freezing! I don't think I started feeling my hands until mile 3 or 4 of the race.
A little before the race started we met up with my brother, Ryan, and his bromance friend, Dave. They had signed up that week to run the race "with" us. Finally, we took some pictures, watched the full marathoners start their race at 7 AM, threw our bags onto the bus for the bag drop and lined up for the race to start!
It only took about a minute to reach the start line and then we were off. Ryan and Dave almost immediately went on ahead of us and Niki went behind us. The Husband and I stuck together...or more like The Husband stuck with me. I had told him a few times it would be ok if he went ahead cause he's so much faster but he told me even before we were running that he was going to stay with me the whole time. And he did. He's kinda awesome.
The first 8 miles or so of the race were down the canyon on a running trail. It was really pretty. And the weather was absolutely perfect. After the first 3 miles we found our rhythm and were mostly by ourselves. We had a couple women we kept leap frogging but we eventually lost them. I'm so grateful I had The Husband with me. About mile 9 I was just tired and wanted to stop...only I didn't want to stop because I promised myself I was going to RUN the whole thing. Having The Husband with me made sure I did that because I wasn't just accountable to myself but to him too.
For quite a while we had the 2:05 pacer right behind us (that's a runner that is running the race purely to help runners finish in the time they want to. They are required to run the whole thing and set the pace for those people with that goal time). He was very enthusiastic. He kept yelling things and saying "We are strong!" and once even said "Slow cars to the right!" I wanted to yell at him right back and tell him to shut up! If I was ahead of him then he was the slow one! Although...they did eventually pass us.
I kept telling myself I wasn't really that concerned with my time but I did have a goal of about 2 hrs 10 minutes or 2:10. At about mile 12 the 2:10 pacer passed us...and I won't lie, I was pissed. I tried to keep up with her and meet that goal but honestly it was just enough that I was running at that point.
As we came into the finish chute I got really emotional. I kept thinking about how amazing it was that I had just run 13 miles. I hadn't walked at all. I never ever thought I would be capable of something like that and I had just finished it. We crossed the finish line with The Husband's arm around me at 2:11:54. Averaged of a 10:04 minute mile. I am honestly so completely happy with that time. Especially for it being my first Half Marathon.
I was crying. I was so happy and so proud of myself. My mom was at the finish line with my girls and my sister. And The Husband's family was there too. Plus Ryan and Dave stayed to see The Husband and I finish(only 40 minutes behind them haha)! I was so happy to have my family there to support me. It was so important to me to reach this goal and it was everything I hoped it would be. I'll definitely be doing one again.
I was also so proud of Niki for running the entire race and making her goal of under 3 hours! She had only run up to 5 miles before the race and she ran the whole time! She even met a friend that helped her make it. So proud!
On a side note-One of the blogs that I follow Runsforcookies.com does a series called Motivational Mondays. She has people post on her facebook wall or email her with their accomplishments from the week. This week I decided to send in my picture and brag a little about the half marathon and she used my picture in her blog post tonight! You guys should go check it out :) There's a link on the right hand side of my blog.
Thank you all for reading and continuing to support me. It is honestly the support I receive that keeps me going.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sabotage and FFT
I think my scale secretly has it out for me.
Hi, my name is Briana and I'm a scale addict. I admit it (don't mock me). I weigh myself every morning, before I go to the bathroom, after I go to the bathroom, before I workout, after I workout, with clothes on, without clothes on, and sometimes for good measure I just do it after I've put my makeup on to see if I wear too much. I don't, FYI. There are multiple times during the week that I am fully convinced I am going to gain weight that week and some weeks it really does happen, but there are those normal fluctuations in weight that sometimes give me false alarms. Little did I know my scale has been messing with my head this entire time!!!
Today is obviously Fat Free Tuesday so after my workout this evening I came home and weighed in. This is what I saw.
That would make only a loss of .2 this week. I didn't say anything, mostly just made a face and got into the shower. The Husband could obviously tell I was mad. He just said "it's still a loss" and in my head I thought yeah yeah shut up. I love you, Husband! I was really hoping this would be the week I'd break into the 160s. Never ever did I imagine I was going to be in the 160s! And apparently I was right. That's why I was mad. So after my shower because I was angry and because I am a scale addict (I already admitted it you don't need to roll your eyes) I got back on the scale to double check. And this is what I saw.
That's a loss of .6 for the week! That's like a half pound difference! No way did I have a half pound of sweat caked onto my body and I magically lost that weight just in the shower. THE SCALE! It has been secretly plotting against me. Its like it knows every time I step on the scale and just laughs and gives me any random number it freaking feels like. I'm not gonna lie to you, I think if my scale were a Transformer it would be a Decepticon. (The Husband and I have been watching those movies lately, once again, don't mock me!).
What if my starting weight really wasn't as high/low as I thought? What if I haven't gained weight as many weeks as I thought? My whole life is a lie. Or maybe just my love/hate relationship with my scale. You think you know someone....
Loss: .6
Total Loss: 65.6 lbs
I'm running my very first Half Marathon this weekend. I am more than a little nervous about it. So while you're all asleep at 5 am this saturday, try and say a little prayer for me (in your dreams) and send me lots of good mojo and no cases of IBS.
Hi, my name is Briana and I'm a scale addict. I admit it (don't mock me). I weigh myself every morning, before I go to the bathroom, after I go to the bathroom, before I workout, after I workout, with clothes on, without clothes on, and sometimes for good measure I just do it after I've put my makeup on to see if I wear too much. I don't, FYI. There are multiple times during the week that I am fully convinced I am going to gain weight that week and some weeks it really does happen, but there are those normal fluctuations in weight that sometimes give me false alarms. Little did I know my scale has been messing with my head this entire time!!!
Today is obviously Fat Free Tuesday so after my workout this evening I came home and weighed in. This is what I saw.
That would make only a loss of .2 this week. I didn't say anything, mostly just made a face and got into the shower. The Husband could obviously tell I was mad. He just said "it's still a loss" and in my head I thought yeah yeah shut up. I love you, Husband! I was really hoping this would be the week I'd break into the 160s. Never ever did I imagine I was going to be in the 160s! And apparently I was right. That's why I was mad. So after my shower because I was angry and because I am a scale addict (I already admitted it you don't need to roll your eyes) I got back on the scale to double check. And this is what I saw.
That's a loss of .6 for the week! That's like a half pound difference! No way did I have a half pound of sweat caked onto my body and I magically lost that weight just in the shower. THE SCALE! It has been secretly plotting against me. Its like it knows every time I step on the scale and just laughs and gives me any random number it freaking feels like. I'm not gonna lie to you, I think if my scale were a Transformer it would be a Decepticon. (The Husband and I have been watching those movies lately, once again, don't mock me!).
What if my starting weight really wasn't as high/low as I thought? What if I haven't gained weight as many weeks as I thought? My whole life is a lie. Or maybe just my love/hate relationship with my scale. You think you know someone....
Loss: .6
Total Loss: 65.6 lbs
I'm running my very first Half Marathon this weekend. I am more than a little nervous about it. So while you're all asleep at 5 am this saturday, try and say a little prayer for me (in your dreams) and send me lots of good mojo and no cases of IBS.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Differences and FFT
I think it's pretty obvious that when someone loses a significant amount of weight there are going to be differences in their body. Its weird for me to look back at how heavy I was and realize that I honestly didn't think I was that heavy. I would look at other women and think there was no way I looked as big as they did. I might weigh the same but I was definitely healthier and not really that overweight. FALSE. Somehow my own perspective of myself was very tainted and I'm so grateful that I now know what I didn't know then. Since losing weight I have noticed a few things that are significantly different and thought I'd write about them.
1. My relationship with The Husband is better. The Husband and I have always had a good relationship, even when I was heavy. But through this journey I have learned to love myself and therefore am capable of a greater love for others, particularly him. We are able to do more physical activities together without me feeling like an idiot. I can totally keep up with him! And since my physical body has changed, let's be honest, our physical relationship has changed too. For the better *wink wink*
2. My relationship with my girls has changed. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was a "bad mom" when I was heavy but I would say I was a less involved mom. Now I am much more willing to be on the floor playing with the girls and even go outside and play on the playground with them. I'm more physically active and because of that I'm more active with them. A family who plays together stays together. Cheesy but true, friends.
3. I can sing better! If any of you know me even slightly you know I love to sing. It's just what I do. I never realized it but all that extra weight I was carrying was really inhibiting my ability to breathe well and therefore sing! Now I feel like singing and even belting out notes is a breeze!
4. I am happier. I wasn't really depressed or anything before but I think my weight definitely had a constant effect on my mood without my realizing it. Now I get crabby if I haven't worked out that day.
5. I am more confident. Kind of an obvious one but still true. Yes I am more confident in my physical appearance but I am also more confident in my mental capabilities as well. I have set goals and achieved them. I have completed tasks I never thought my physical body would be capable of. I honestly believe that I can do anything I want to.
These are obviously just a few of the major changes that have come with this journey for me. I'm so happy that I've been able to achieve these goals and to make these changes. And they aren't just temporary things either, these changes are for good now.
On to FFT...
Loss: 1.4 lbs
Total loss: 65 lbs!!
Today's weigh in brings my weight loss to an even 65 lbs lost. I feel pretty darn good about that. And it also means I only have 20 lbs more to meet my ultimate goal. That's pretty exciting to think about. Such a long process and I'm beginning to see the light!
1. My relationship with The Husband is better. The Husband and I have always had a good relationship, even when I was heavy. But through this journey I have learned to love myself and therefore am capable of a greater love for others, particularly him. We are able to do more physical activities together without me feeling like an idiot. I can totally keep up with him! And since my physical body has changed, let's be honest, our physical relationship has changed too. For the better *wink wink*
2. My relationship with my girls has changed. I wouldn't go so far as to say I was a "bad mom" when I was heavy but I would say I was a less involved mom. Now I am much more willing to be on the floor playing with the girls and even go outside and play on the playground with them. I'm more physically active and because of that I'm more active with them. A family who plays together stays together. Cheesy but true, friends.
3. I can sing better! If any of you know me even slightly you know I love to sing. It's just what I do. I never realized it but all that extra weight I was carrying was really inhibiting my ability to breathe well and therefore sing! Now I feel like singing and even belting out notes is a breeze!
4. I am happier. I wasn't really depressed or anything before but I think my weight definitely had a constant effect on my mood without my realizing it. Now I get crabby if I haven't worked out that day.
5. I am more confident. Kind of an obvious one but still true. Yes I am more confident in my physical appearance but I am also more confident in my mental capabilities as well. I have set goals and achieved them. I have completed tasks I never thought my physical body would be capable of. I honestly believe that I can do anything I want to.
These are obviously just a few of the major changes that have come with this journey for me. I'm so happy that I've been able to achieve these goals and to make these changes. And they aren't just temporary things either, these changes are for good now.
On to FFT...
Loss: 1.4 lbs
Total loss: 65 lbs!!
Today's weigh in brings my weight loss to an even 65 lbs lost. I feel pretty darn good about that. And it also means I only have 20 lbs more to meet my ultimate goal. That's pretty exciting to think about. Such a long process and I'm beginning to see the light!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Running and FFT
I had a horrible couple of days as far as calories go. Not because I ate too many calories but because I was just HUNGRY. There are honestly those days that you just can't get full and I unfortunately got a couple in a row. Luckily, today was better and I didn't need to be constantly eating. But those couple days do show up in my weight loss for the week.
Loss: .5
Total Loss: 63.5 lbs
In the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombings I began really thinking about why I started running. And honestly why I kept running. I always used to hate it and somewhere along the way it became something that I truly love. Then today someone posted this quote that was published in Runner's World today.
"Running is a sport of goodwill. It's the only sport in the world where if a competitor falls, the others around will pick him or her up. It's the only sport in the world open to absolutely everyone, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity or any other division you can think of. It's the only occasion when thousands of people assemble, often in a major city, for a reason that is totally peaceful, healthy and well-meaning. It's the only sport in the world where no one ever boos anybody."
-Roger Robinson, Runner's World, April 15th, 2013
After reading that I realized that it was putting into words exactly how I feel about running. I've never really been good at sports. I'm ok at most, really terrible at basketball but actually decent at volleyball. But never was I good enough to have anyone notice or set me apart. Running however makes me feel like I'm good at it. I may not be the fastest. I may not be the skinniest. I may not even be someone who has been running for my whole life. But no matter what when I put on those running shoes and step out for a run, I feel like I belong. Running is where I found my place in the fitness world and I hope that is where my place continues to be.
Loss: .5
Total Loss: 63.5 lbs
In the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombings I began really thinking about why I started running. And honestly why I kept running. I always used to hate it and somewhere along the way it became something that I truly love. Then today someone posted this quote that was published in Runner's World today.
"Running is a sport of goodwill. It's the only sport in the world where if a competitor falls, the others around will pick him or her up. It's the only sport in the world open to absolutely everyone, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity or any other division you can think of. It's the only occasion when thousands of people assemble, often in a major city, for a reason that is totally peaceful, healthy and well-meaning. It's the only sport in the world where no one ever boos anybody."
-Roger Robinson, Runner's World, April 15th, 2013
After reading that I realized that it was putting into words exactly how I feel about running. I've never really been good at sports. I'm ok at most, really terrible at basketball but actually decent at volleyball. But never was I good enough to have anyone notice or set me apart. Running however makes me feel like I'm good at it. I may not be the fastest. I may not be the skinniest. I may not even be someone who has been running for my whole life. But no matter what when I put on those running shoes and step out for a run, I feel like I belong. Running is where I found my place in the fitness world and I hope that is where my place continues to be.
Monday, April 15, 2013
How do you keeping going?
I had quite the busy weekend. I was constantly going on saturday and with 2 girls who decided it wasn't fun to sleep more than an hour or so at a time I was absolutely exhausted when sunday finally came. I had to take that day to just rest and sleep. I definitely needed it.
Friday was a really big day for me. The Husband and I are gearing up for our half marathon in just a couple weeks. The Husband has run a half marathon before and he's also one of those people that can not run for weeks or months and then just go bust out 7 miles. Hesucks is awesome. :) So we are doing the Provo Half Marathon and awesomely enough the first 8 miles or so of the course are coming DOWN the Provo canyon. That means lots of pounding on those knees and shins. So we've been doing a canyon run once a week to prepare our legs for what will be the torturous beginning of our race. We decided this week to combine our canyon run with our long run for the week. We ran 9 miles. 4.5 down the canyon and 4.5 on semi-flat road back to the car.
Whenever I go on a run there is always a voice in my head for the first 3-4 miles telling me that I'm not going to be able to go much further. Something tries to convince me that my legs hurt, or I can't breathe, or I just can't do it. About that time that my brain just shuts up I finally break through that wall of being able to just run and not have to think about it. Somehow it turns into autopilot and I honestly think I could keep going as long as my body didn't completely rebel against me. This run was no different. Those 4.5 miles down the canyon weren't awesome. Mostly because the downhill just SUCKS. My knees were begging me to just find flat road or run backwards or SOMETHING! And that is exactly why we're training for those downhill miles in the half. But after wefinally got out of the canyon it was just a smooth ride from there.
At about mile 5.5 we ate our Gu. Gu is a thick, sticky, energy shot that is supposed to help your body keep energy up and have something to burn. I can honestly say it helps me quite a bit. I ate Chocolate Outrage flavor. It was tasty :)
About mile 7 I started to think about how amazing it is that I can even run 1 mile let alone 7, 8 and 9! Up until that run 7 miles was the furthest I had ever run at one time and that 7 was only the week before! 10 months ago I hadn't ever even run 1 mile without stopping and even then it was a 12-13 minute mile. I can't believe how far I've come and as I told The Husband that he told me how proud he is of me. He is more than supportive and has been throughout this entire journey but its so nice to hear that he's proud of me.
I felt so great when we finished. I have been sore the past couple of days but it hurts so good!
On saturday I was judging for the High School State Drama competition and got to talk with a girl about my weight loss. She asked me how I keep going. At the time I told her I honestly didn't know. There have been many weeks where I didn't lose weight or I gained weight when I could've just given up and stopped without reaching my goal but for some reason I didn't. There is something different about this time that isn't letting me give up. Now after thinking about it further I've decided the reason I don't give up is because of experiences like running those 9 miles. Because of all the weight I've lost I am capable of things I never thought I would be able to do. Because I have reached smaller goals such as running a 5k and losing 20 lbs, I KNOW I can reach my big goals of being 150 lbs, wearing size 8 jeans and running a half marathon. Each one of those milestones along the way makes a difference for me not only in my physical abilities but in my confidence. I KNOW I can do it. So I'm not giving up no matter how many bad days, weeks, months I have. This is going to happen no matter how long it takes.
Why do you keep going? What motivates you?
Friday was a really big day for me. The Husband and I are gearing up for our half marathon in just a couple weeks. The Husband has run a half marathon before and he's also one of those people that can not run for weeks or months and then just go bust out 7 miles. He
Whenever I go on a run there is always a voice in my head for the first 3-4 miles telling me that I'm not going to be able to go much further. Something tries to convince me that my legs hurt, or I can't breathe, or I just can't do it. About that time that my brain just shuts up I finally break through that wall of being able to just run and not have to think about it. Somehow it turns into autopilot and I honestly think I could keep going as long as my body didn't completely rebel against me. This run was no different. Those 4.5 miles down the canyon weren't awesome. Mostly because the downhill just SUCKS. My knees were begging me to just find flat road or run backwards or SOMETHING! And that is exactly why we're training for those downhill miles in the half. But after we
At about mile 5.5 we ate our Gu. Gu is a thick, sticky, energy shot that is supposed to help your body keep energy up and have something to burn. I can honestly say it helps me quite a bit. I ate Chocolate Outrage flavor. It was tasty :)
About mile 7 I started to think about how amazing it is that I can even run 1 mile let alone 7, 8 and 9! Up until that run 7 miles was the furthest I had ever run at one time and that 7 was only the week before! 10 months ago I hadn't ever even run 1 mile without stopping and even then it was a 12-13 minute mile. I can't believe how far I've come and as I told The Husband that he told me how proud he is of me. He is more than supportive and has been throughout this entire journey but its so nice to hear that he's proud of me.
I felt so great when we finished. I have been sore the past couple of days but it hurts so good!
On saturday I was judging for the High School State Drama competition and got to talk with a girl about my weight loss. She asked me how I keep going. At the time I told her I honestly didn't know. There have been many weeks where I didn't lose weight or I gained weight when I could've just given up and stopped without reaching my goal but for some reason I didn't. There is something different about this time that isn't letting me give up. Now after thinking about it further I've decided the reason I don't give up is because of experiences like running those 9 miles. Because of all the weight I've lost I am capable of things I never thought I would be able to do. Because I have reached smaller goals such as running a 5k and losing 20 lbs, I KNOW I can reach my big goals of being 150 lbs, wearing size 8 jeans and running a half marathon. Each one of those milestones along the way makes a difference for me not only in my physical abilities but in my confidence. I KNOW I can do it. So I'm not giving up no matter how many bad days, weeks, months I have. This is going to happen no matter how long it takes.
Why do you keep going? What motivates you?
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Guilt and FFT
Once again that time of the week has come. I feel like I had a pretty good week as far as calorie counting and exercise. I stuck with my calories every day except for Friday when I had a cheat meal for the week. I also got back into running for real and training for my first half marathon in just 4 weeks! I'm trying to up my mileage now without hurting my body in the process. So far so good. I really do love running.
Loss: 2.2 lbs
Total loss: 63 lbs
In case you're looking closely at the total loss numbers you might notice some discrepancies. My starting weight was 235.4. So more than really keeping that close of track of things I just remember what the starting weight was and subtract from there. I promise I'm not lying.
So I mentioned that I had a cheat meal on Friday. I had a wicked craving for Chinese food and decided it would be okay to have one high calorie meal for the week. I was trying really hard to be good with all the rest of my food choices and I had exercised every day. So The Husband and I took the girls and indulged. It was good. But as soon as I had finished eating (only half the food I was given for my entree) I immediately felt guilty. I hadn't even stuffed myself and I was feeling like I shouldn't have eaten even the small amount that I did. Do you ever feel that way? Is it just me?
I want to be able to reach my goal weight and then once I get there I want to be able to relax a little. Relax meaning not be AS strict but not go back to the way I used to eat/not exercise. I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty if I decide to eat something fried or sugary. At what point do I decide that my sanity/emotional health is more important than a number on a scale? I'm scared that I'm going to reach that goal weight and not be satisfied with the work I've done and still not be happy with myself. It is unrealistic to say that I will never eata lot pizza ever again. I would never ever promise myself I would never eat cookie dough again. So where do I find the balance for myself?
I apologize if this post just turned into a very negative one but I've been dealing with these emotions a lot lately. Am I doing this right? Any advice is more than appreciated. Have a good week :)
Loss: 2.2 lbs
Total loss: 63 lbs
In case you're looking closely at the total loss numbers you might notice some discrepancies. My starting weight was 235.4. So more than really keeping that close of track of things I just remember what the starting weight was and subtract from there. I promise I'm not lying.
So I mentioned that I had a cheat meal on Friday. I had a wicked craving for Chinese food and decided it would be okay to have one high calorie meal for the week. I was trying really hard to be good with all the rest of my food choices and I had exercised every day. So The Husband and I took the girls and indulged. It was good. But as soon as I had finished eating (only half the food I was given for my entree) I immediately felt guilty. I hadn't even stuffed myself and I was feeling like I shouldn't have eaten even the small amount that I did. Do you ever feel that way? Is it just me?
I want to be able to reach my goal weight and then once I get there I want to be able to relax a little. Relax meaning not be AS strict but not go back to the way I used to eat/not exercise. I do not want to spend the rest of my life feeling guilty if I decide to eat something fried or sugary. At what point do I decide that my sanity/emotional health is more important than a number on a scale? I'm scared that I'm going to reach that goal weight and not be satisfied with the work I've done and still not be happy with myself. It is unrealistic to say that I will never eat
I apologize if this post just turned into a very negative one but I've been dealing with these emotions a lot lately. Am I doing this right? Any advice is more than appreciated. Have a good week :)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Formal, Easter, and FFT
The weeks go by so fast lately. I feel like I just weighed in last week and then I just had to do it again. I guess that's a good thing though otherwise this might feel like it is taking forever. Oh wait. It DOES feel like that.
Loss: 0
Gain: 1.8 lbs.
Total loss: 60 lbs.
So as you can see, I apparently didn't have an awesome week. I still got all my exercise in and my water every day but Saturday and Sunday weren't awesome as far as calorie counting. Especially with candy or sweets I've noticed my body definitely reacts strongly when I go out of my normal routine. I won't lie, I'm pretty bummed about the weight gain. Hopefully I can pick myself back up and have a better week this week. I'm not giving up yet.
Saturday was really fun for The Husband and I. We got to go to the BYU Traditions Ball. We dressed up all fancy, went to dinner and then spent the evening dancing. It was so fun. The Husband and I both took some ballroom dance classes while we were attending BYU and it was awesome to get to break out those moves again. I thoroughly enjoy having a husband who likes to dance with me.
Sunday was Easter, of course. My mom and step-dad were able to make a quick trip up from St. George to spend the holiday with us and my siblings. We all got together for dinner at a park and enjoyed the beautiful weather. And we of course enjoyed lots of junk food. Thus my not awesome weigh-in. It is so hard for me to stay on track with calories and food when I'm around my family. It's not anything they do, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. But somehow when we're together I end up eating so much more junk than I plan on. Habit maybe? Besides that it was great to spend time with all of them. I also loved getting the girls all dressed up in their Easter dresses. Too cute for words.
Loss: 0
Gain: 1.8 lbs.
Total loss: 60 lbs.
So as you can see, I apparently didn't have an awesome week. I still got all my exercise in and my water every day but Saturday and Sunday weren't awesome as far as calorie counting. Especially with candy or sweets I've noticed my body definitely reacts strongly when I go out of my normal routine. I won't lie, I'm pretty bummed about the weight gain. Hopefully I can pick myself back up and have a better week this week. I'm not giving up yet.
Saturday was really fun for The Husband and I. We got to go to the BYU Traditions Ball. We dressed up all fancy, went to dinner and then spent the evening dancing. It was so fun. The Husband and I both took some ballroom dance classes while we were attending BYU and it was awesome to get to break out those moves again. I thoroughly enjoy having a husband who likes to dance with me.
Sunday was Easter, of course. My mom and step-dad were able to make a quick trip up from St. George to spend the holiday with us and my siblings. We all got together for dinner at a park and enjoyed the beautiful weather. And we of course enjoyed lots of junk food. Thus my not awesome weigh-in. It is so hard for me to stay on track with calories and food when I'm around my family. It's not anything they do, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. But somehow when we're together I end up eating so much more junk than I plan on. Habit maybe? Besides that it was great to spend time with all of them. I also loved getting the girls all dressed up in their Easter dresses. Too cute for words.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Balloon Slayer and FFT
It's that time of the week, ladies and gents! FFT that is, or Fat (Free) Tuesday as I've begun to call it. I've decided to just start abbreviating it because otherwise I'll have a million posts all titled the same thing and that will definitely get boring.
So, the weigh-in for the week.
Loss: 2.4 lbs
Total loss: 62.4 lbs
As I posted previously, I had kind of a tough week as far as temptation. It might have possibly been because of a certain time of the month happening up in here...Chocolate cravings and menstrual cycles are best friends. There were seriously days I had to pretend there was a padlock on the freezer to keep myself from downing a whole bag of chocolate chips. I won't lie and say I didn't have any. I'm a former fat girl, remember? But I didn't shove my face and regret it later. I call that a victory for the week. Coming off of a 5 lb loss last week I am really happy with the 2.4 lbs lost this week. 7.4 lbs in 2 weeks is awesome. Let's keep it up!
On Saturday I took J to a friend's birthday party. It was kind of touch and go as to whether J would be able to go because of the sickies going on in our house. J had pinkeye and then an ear infection. But she kept insisting she wanted to go so I took her. She had a great time and came home with a pretty green balloon for her trouble. Since then the balloon has been hanging around the house.
If you know me at all you might know that I'm a bit of a pansy when it comes to scary/haunted/horror things. I don't do them. I believe it's because I have a very active imagination and it's hard for me to convince myself that those things aren't real. No scary movies, shows, books, what have you. My biggest fear is that someone will break into my house and immediately come to kill me in my bed. The Husband is an awesome boogie-man checker. I frequently ask him to get up and search our house to make sure no one is in it and many times I can't fall asleep without a night light.
So last night The Husband and I got to bed late (-r than normal for us) around 1 o'clock. He quickly fell asleep while I browsed Pinterest until I was tired enough to sleep. I put my phone down and rolled over onto my side and just a few seconds later, a dark shape comes drifting up the side of the bed from the floor and hits me in the face. No joke I flipped and judo chopped that sucker! What the freak?! A BALLOON!?! There were definitely expletives going off in my head. I had to take a minute and collect myself from the near death experience and got up and took the stupid balloon back into the living room.
I then had to start over. Pinterest, instagram, facebook...something to put me to sleep! Again, I put my phone down and rolled over (the other way so that the same thing wouldn't happen again.) Just as I'm drifting off again I catch a small movement out of the corner of my eye...that balloon was hovering above me and The Husband! As if to say "I'm baaaaacccckkk."
I swear to you, I thought that balloon was haunted. I thought Don't touch it, it's a ghost balloon. You'll probably end up with a curse on you or something. I woke up The Husband and said "I really need you to not make fun of me right now." He sleepily said "ok?" and I told him the freaking balloon wouldn't leave me alone. He told me to lock in the closet but I wanted to pop it. I quicklyran terrified walked the balloon into the kitchen and cut it with scissors, let the air out and threw it away. The foe was vanquished. I then ran terrified (from the man that was obviously lurking in my living room) back to bed. It took me another hour to go to sleep.
The Husband is now calling me The Balloon Slayer. I'm such a pansy, I know.
So, the weigh-in for the week.
Loss: 2.4 lbs
Total loss: 62.4 lbs
As I posted previously, I had kind of a tough week as far as temptation. It might have possibly been because of a certain time of the month happening up in here...Chocolate cravings and menstrual cycles are best friends. There were seriously days I had to pretend there was a padlock on the freezer to keep myself from downing a whole bag of chocolate chips. I won't lie and say I didn't have any. I'm a former fat girl, remember? But I didn't shove my face and regret it later. I call that a victory for the week. Coming off of a 5 lb loss last week I am really happy with the 2.4 lbs lost this week. 7.4 lbs in 2 weeks is awesome. Let's keep it up!
On Saturday I took J to a friend's birthday party. It was kind of touch and go as to whether J would be able to go because of the sickies going on in our house. J had pinkeye and then an ear infection. But she kept insisting she wanted to go so I took her. She had a great time and came home with a pretty green balloon for her trouble. Since then the balloon has been hanging around the house.
If you know me at all you might know that I'm a bit of a pansy when it comes to scary/haunted/horror things. I don't do them. I believe it's because I have a very active imagination and it's hard for me to convince myself that those things aren't real. No scary movies, shows, books, what have you. My biggest fear is that someone will break into my house and immediately come to kill me in my bed. The Husband is an awesome boogie-man checker. I frequently ask him to get up and search our house to make sure no one is in it and many times I can't fall asleep without a night light.
So last night The Husband and I got to bed late (-r than normal for us) around 1 o'clock. He quickly fell asleep while I browsed Pinterest until I was tired enough to sleep. I put my phone down and rolled over onto my side and just a few seconds later, a dark shape comes drifting up the side of the bed from the floor and hits me in the face. No joke I flipped and judo chopped that sucker! What the freak?! A BALLOON!?! There were definitely expletives going off in my head. I had to take a minute and collect myself from the near death experience and got up and took the stupid balloon back into the living room.
I then had to start over. Pinterest, instagram, facebook...something to put me to sleep! Again, I put my phone down and rolled over (the other way so that the same thing wouldn't happen again.) Just as I'm drifting off again I catch a small movement out of the corner of my eye...that balloon was hovering above me and The Husband! As if to say "I'm baaaaacccckkk."
I swear to you, I thought that balloon was haunted. I thought Don't touch it, it's a ghost balloon. You'll probably end up with a curse on you or something. I woke up The Husband and said "I really need you to not make fun of me right now." He sleepily said "ok?" and I told him the freaking balloon wouldn't leave me alone. He told me to lock in the closet but I wanted to pop it. I quickly
The Husband is now calling me The Balloon Slayer. I'm such a pansy, I know.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Inner Cookie Monster
I am the first person to come out and say that I love desserts. Honestly, if you say you don't you're lying to yourself. For some reason though I think my dessert/sweet craving can also include fast food. So basically I like things that aren't good for me.
The other night we'd gotten home later than normal and the girls didn't get to bed until almost 10. Then we realized that we needed to return a library book or we'd get a fee. The Husband had already showered and gotten into pajamas so it was up to me to put my shoes back on and drive the book to the book drop at the library. I wasn't too happy about having to leave. I was tired and wanted to just sit down for a while and read a book. But I think it's dumb to pay for a library book so I went.
As soon as I walked out the door I was immediately thinking about what junk food I could go get. A donut at Macey's? An ice cream cone from McDonald's? A candy bar at a gas station? It honestly took all the will power I had not to stop somewhere and get something bad for me, but tasty, to eat. 1. It was too late to be eating. 2. I had already finished the calories I was allowed to eat for the day. 3. I don't need junk food, I'm trying to lose weight! I kept repeating these reasons over and over in my head trying to battle with the other part of me that just wanted to give in and stress eat. But I didn't.
I've come to the conclusion that I stress eat. That night we had taken J to the Kid's Care to get medication for Pinkeye. We'd had colds for weeks and it all escalated. And the same thing happened as soon as I knew we were leaving the house to go to the Doctor, I wanted to stop and get fast food for dinner. Chocolate is an obviously stress food for me but fast food is too.
I have days that I don't struggle with making the right choices at all. Then there are other days...like MOST of this WEEK that I am fighting every single minute of the day not to shove cookies down my throat or chow down on an entire bag of chocolate chips.
I'm not sure how to combat all of those impulses I have. It's unrealistic to say I'll never have fast food again. But why is it that I want it every time I leave the house for a longer period of time?
It honestly was so hard and this week has been hard every day because of those cravings. But just like cookie monster, I'm trading in those cookies for veggies. See what I did there? :) Not gonna lie to you though, it sucks.
The other night we'd gotten home later than normal and the girls didn't get to bed until almost 10. Then we realized that we needed to return a library book or we'd get a fee. The Husband had already showered and gotten into pajamas so it was up to me to put my shoes back on and drive the book to the book drop at the library. I wasn't too happy about having to leave. I was tired and wanted to just sit down for a while and read a book. But I think it's dumb to pay for a library book so I went.
As soon as I walked out the door I was immediately thinking about what junk food I could go get. A donut at Macey's? An ice cream cone from McDonald's? A candy bar at a gas station? It honestly took all the will power I had not to stop somewhere and get something bad for me, but tasty, to eat. 1. It was too late to be eating. 2. I had already finished the calories I was allowed to eat for the day. 3. I don't need junk food, I'm trying to lose weight! I kept repeating these reasons over and over in my head trying to battle with the other part of me that just wanted to give in and stress eat. But I didn't.
I've come to the conclusion that I stress eat. That night we had taken J to the Kid's Care to get medication for Pinkeye. We'd had colds for weeks and it all escalated. And the same thing happened as soon as I knew we were leaving the house to go to the Doctor, I wanted to stop and get fast food for dinner. Chocolate is an obviously stress food for me but fast food is too.
I have days that I don't struggle with making the right choices at all. Then there are other days...like MOST of this WEEK that I am fighting every single minute of the day not to shove cookies down my throat or chow down on an entire bag of chocolate chips.
I'm not sure how to combat all of those impulses I have. It's unrealistic to say I'll never have fast food again. But why is it that I want it every time I leave the house for a longer period of time?
It honestly was so hard and this week has been hard every day because of those cravings. But just like cookie monster, I'm trading in those cookies for veggies. See what I did there? :) Not gonna lie to you though, it sucks.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Fat (free) Tuesday Again!
This week went by really fast for me. That's probably a really good thing because sometimes when you're counting calories it can seem like the days just drag on and your stomach is an endless pit that wants you to consume ridiculous amounts of calories but you can't...and it sucks. But that didn't happen to me this week which I'm very grateful for.
So like I said I went back to strictly counting calories this week. I use a website/app called Sparkpeople.com to track all my food. It's a great site that is free and allows you to either follow a meal plan they set out for you or just enter in your own foods. The trick is you actually have to track the food you eat! What!? Yeah, if you're counting calories you actually have to count them, I know. Weird. With SparkPeople you enter in your weight and you can enter exercise for calories burned as well. Then you can view a little chart that tells you the difference in your calories burned versus consumed. And that's how you lose weight, folks. I also really love that the site gives you a range of calories to eat per day, not a set number. So for me I get between 1400-1700 calories a day. Then if I need those extra 300 one day when I am just endlessly hungry, I have them. But other days I don't need them and I'm still in the range of where I should be. It's great.
So, how did my calorie counting go this week? Oh well...
Loss: 5 lbs
Total loss: 60 lbs
BAM! That's right! I lost 5 Lbs this week!!!!! I couldn't believe it. That is the most I have EVER lost in a single week, even when I first started and my body was in shock and I was nursing too. I am absolutely thrilled with that loss. And that makes it a total of 60 lbs lost! WOW!!!! That seriously blows my mind. Now all I want to do is continue to be strict in counting and exercising and keep those pounds off! No More up and down. We are in the home stretch to goal weight now.
One thing I've really been thinking a lot about this week is where your calories come from. You can definitely eat all the junk you want and still count calories but if you really want to be healthy those calories should be coming from a good place. I won't lie, I definitely counted calories on2 3 cadbury creme eggs this week and maybe a few cadbury mini eggs too. It's unrealistic to think that you're never going to have candy, dessert or anything delicious ever again. But maybe an orange should be what you have with your lunch instead of a 100 calorie snack pack of cheese-its. It's definitely something I'm trying to improve on.
Well, that was mostly my week. Tonight I bought my first size 10 bottom...well, skirt in this case. Up until now I'd only been trying them on and tonight I purchased! Wooooo!!!!!
So like I said I went back to strictly counting calories this week. I use a website/app called Sparkpeople.com to track all my food. It's a great site that is free and allows you to either follow a meal plan they set out for you or just enter in your own foods. The trick is you actually have to track the food you eat! What!? Yeah, if you're counting calories you actually have to count them, I know. Weird. With SparkPeople you enter in your weight and you can enter exercise for calories burned as well. Then you can view a little chart that tells you the difference in your calories burned versus consumed. And that's how you lose weight, folks. I also really love that the site gives you a range of calories to eat per day, not a set number. So for me I get between 1400-1700 calories a day. Then if I need those extra 300 one day when I am just endlessly hungry, I have them. But other days I don't need them and I'm still in the range of where I should be. It's great.
So, how did my calorie counting go this week? Oh well...
Loss: 5 lbs
Total loss: 60 lbs
BAM! That's right! I lost 5 Lbs this week!!!!! I couldn't believe it. That is the most I have EVER lost in a single week, even when I first started and my body was in shock and I was nursing too. I am absolutely thrilled with that loss. And that makes it a total of 60 lbs lost! WOW!!!! That seriously blows my mind. Now all I want to do is continue to be strict in counting and exercising and keep those pounds off! No More up and down. We are in the home stretch to goal weight now.
One thing I've really been thinking a lot about this week is where your calories come from. You can definitely eat all the junk you want and still count calories but if you really want to be healthy those calories should be coming from a good place. I won't lie, I definitely counted calories on
Well, that was mostly my week. Tonight I bought my first size 10 bottom...well, skirt in this case. Up until now I'd only been trying them on and tonight I purchased! Wooooo!!!!!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Fat (free) Tuesday
During my second pregnancy, my pregnancy with H, I decided once she was born I was going to lose all the weight I'd gained since getting married, having J, and then some. I had a c-section and then had to wait 6 weeks before I could be cleared by my gynecologist to exercise and such. I had that appointment on a Tuesday afternoon and that night is when I weighed in for the first time to begin my weight loss journey. And so "Fat (free) Tuesday" was born. I've been weighing in almost every Tuesday since then and trying to keep close track of where I'm at. I wish I had a weekly log of exactly how much weight I'd lost each weigh-in, but I don't. Sad face. But I promise that I'll be posting here every Tuesday night to keep those few people who are reading this up to date on how awesome my weight loss is going.
So, as I said in my first blog post I weighed in last time (now 2 weeks ago because I was busy last week out of town and I don't trust other scales) at 177.8. Traveling last week meant I didn't get as great of a workout as I normally would so I'm not surprised I gained weight that week. But this last week? well...
All I wanted to say was "Boo, you whore!" The scale...not you. And kick it and break it in half (then glue it back together because I like my scale). Ugh! I suck! I'm so incredibly frustrated. For the longest time after Christmas I was sitting at 180 and it seems like my body really wants to go back to that. I am not really sure what happened to make me gain that much this week. I did indulge a little on sweet things but not nearly enough to warrant that! So I've decided I'm starting over in a sense. I'm going back to writing every calorie down, drinking almost 100 oz of water a day and making sure I get at least 60 min of exercise a day. I've been slacking a bit too much. So hopefully next week will be better.
I realized something today as I was on the elliptical at the gym. I used to just go and do the elliptical for 30 min and then be done with my workout. I was only burning 400 calories or so and I was still losing 3-4 lbs a week. Because I was nursing! I was burning 500+ calories more a day just by feeding my baby. I think that was the biggest reason why my first 40 lbs or so came off so easily. I got into the habit of only burning that much and eating about 1500 calories and it just came easy. But now is a different story. In November my body was kinda like "hey, I need calories too!" and stopped producing milk so I had to stop nursing. And that is when my weight loss slowed down and has now been yo-yo-ing back and forth. I'm learning how to do it without that extra help. I can't be a little careless with my eating. I HAVE to get my exercise in.
I did have a small victory this week though. I tried on and FIT INTO a size 10 pair of jeans. Never ever in my life was I a size 10. I don't remember ever wearing anything smaller than a size 14. I am absolutely thrilled to be getting so close to my goal of a size 8. Its so fun to see the difference in my body. I was about 180 lbs when I got married and I was a size 14. But now, at the same weight I'm a 10! amazing. Here's an awesome picture of my bum for your viewing pleasure. :)
That small victory will definitely keep me motivated this week. Happy Fat (free) Tuesday everyone!
So, as I said in my first blog post I weighed in last time (now 2 weeks ago because I was busy last week out of town and I don't trust other scales) at 177.8. Traveling last week meant I didn't get as great of a workout as I normally would so I'm not surprised I gained weight that week. But this last week? well...
All I wanted to say was "Boo, you whore!" The scale...not you. And kick it and break it in half (then glue it back together because I like my scale). Ugh! I suck! I'm so incredibly frustrated. For the longest time after Christmas I was sitting at 180 and it seems like my body really wants to go back to that. I am not really sure what happened to make me gain that much this week. I did indulge a little on sweet things but not nearly enough to warrant that! So I've decided I'm starting over in a sense. I'm going back to writing every calorie down, drinking almost 100 oz of water a day and making sure I get at least 60 min of exercise a day. I've been slacking a bit too much. So hopefully next week will be better.
I realized something today as I was on the elliptical at the gym. I used to just go and do the elliptical for 30 min and then be done with my workout. I was only burning 400 calories or so and I was still losing 3-4 lbs a week. Because I was nursing! I was burning 500+ calories more a day just by feeding my baby. I think that was the biggest reason why my first 40 lbs or so came off so easily. I got into the habit of only burning that much and eating about 1500 calories and it just came easy. But now is a different story. In November my body was kinda like "hey, I need calories too!" and stopped producing milk so I had to stop nursing. And that is when my weight loss slowed down and has now been yo-yo-ing back and forth. I'm learning how to do it without that extra help. I can't be a little careless with my eating. I HAVE to get my exercise in.
I did have a small victory this week though. I tried on and FIT INTO a size 10 pair of jeans. Never ever in my life was I a size 10. I don't remember ever wearing anything smaller than a size 14. I am absolutely thrilled to be getting so close to my goal of a size 8. Its so fun to see the difference in my body. I was about 180 lbs when I got married and I was a size 14. But now, at the same weight I'm a 10! amazing. Here's an awesome picture of my bum for your viewing pleasure. :)
That small victory will definitely keep me motivated this week. Happy Fat (free) Tuesday everyone!
Saturday, March 2, 2013
First 5k
It is FINALLY nice enough to run outside! WOOOO! I love running outside. Today The Husband and I were finally able to get outside and run for the first time in months together. AND we were able to use our Christmas gift from my Dad and Marsha and take the girls with us! We got a Schwinn double jogging stroller and it's awesome. It's been sitting waiting for us to use it for 2 months now and we were thrilled to finally get outside and test it out. We didn't get to do a long run like we wanted to because of injuries for both The Husband and I but just a mile was better than nothing!
Giggle and Bounce is a really weird name for a blog, huh? Well my inspiration came from 2 different things. I have 2 beautiful little girls with the cutest little giggles ever. J (my 2 year old) loves making H (my 10 month old) laugh. Those giggles are one of my favorite things. And then there's bounce. Well, I run. But this is where the bounce comes from...
So, how did I start running, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
Remember that not athletic person I mentioned before? Well in my head running was the worst of all sports and physical activities ever. Who would want to run for 5 miles without being required to? I don't know where it came from but I always had such a negative association to running in my head. It's terrible, it's hard, it's not fun. Even in middle school and high school I always thought running was horrific. I am ashamed to say that when we were required to run a mile in gym class in 8th grade...I cheated. I only ran 4 laps around the track instead of 5. Partially because I hated running and partially because I was embarrassed about how slow I "ran." And then in high school I didn't try out for the soccer team because I'd been told there was a mile run for the try outs. 1 mile and I didn't do it because I didn't think I could.
So in July of 2012, I had lost about 15 lbs and The Husband's company was sponsoring a 5k run in Salt Lake City. Don't ask me why but I thought it would be a great idea to sign up. So for the next 3 months The Husband and I "trained" for the 5k (3.1 miles). Which really means I was huffing and puffing on the treadmill on a daily basis trying to add distance to how far I could run and he was going out once a week and running like it was nothing. By August I had lost 25 lbs or so and it was getting A LOT easier to run. The treadmill however sucked. I started off just trying to run a mile. It's possible that I had done it before but never before this journey do I remember being able to run a mile without stopping. After the first time I ran a mile on the treadmill I was so happy. Something so little had been so difficult for me and now I could do it. And then I could run 2 miles and then 3. Suddenly, I was a runner.
This is me after running 3.1 miles for the first time.
The week before the 5k, The Husband and I began running outside. All this time I had been telling The Husband "Oh I like the treadmill. It's nice." But I had NO idea what I was missing! Running outside was so beautiful and refreshing and not terrible at all! (see above for previous opinion) Something clicked during that week and I was hooked. Running had become my exercise of choice.
The Husband and I ran the 5k together in October and finished with a 34 min time. Not too terrible for a first timer, huh? I loved the atmosphere of hundreds of people running together and the cheeringand free food that came with the race. It was so much fun and I immediately wanted to sign up for another one.
So now The Husband and I are signed up for a Half Marathon on May 4th! I mentioned before that we've both had some injuries that have been keeping us from running. I've got terrible shin splints and he has a sprained ankle. So hopefully our official training will be starting up here pretty soon.
Happy Running Season Everyone!
Giggle and Bounce is a really weird name for a blog, huh? Well my inspiration came from 2 different things. I have 2 beautiful little girls with the cutest little giggles ever. J (my 2 year old) loves making H (my 10 month old) laugh. Those giggles are one of my favorite things. And then there's bounce. Well, I run. But this is where the bounce comes from...
So, how did I start running, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.
Remember that not athletic person I mentioned before? Well in my head running was the worst of all sports and physical activities ever. Who would want to run for 5 miles without being required to? I don't know where it came from but I always had such a negative association to running in my head. It's terrible, it's hard, it's not fun. Even in middle school and high school I always thought running was horrific. I am ashamed to say that when we were required to run a mile in gym class in 8th grade...I cheated. I only ran 4 laps around the track instead of 5. Partially because I hated running and partially because I was embarrassed about how slow I "ran." And then in high school I didn't try out for the soccer team because I'd been told there was a mile run for the try outs. 1 mile and I didn't do it because I didn't think I could.
So in July of 2012, I had lost about 15 lbs and The Husband's company was sponsoring a 5k run in Salt Lake City. Don't ask me why but I thought it would be a great idea to sign up. So for the next 3 months The Husband and I "trained" for the 5k (3.1 miles). Which really means I was huffing and puffing on the treadmill on a daily basis trying to add distance to how far I could run and he was going out once a week and running like it was nothing. By August I had lost 25 lbs or so and it was getting A LOT easier to run. The treadmill however sucked. I started off just trying to run a mile. It's possible that I had done it before but never before this journey do I remember being able to run a mile without stopping. After the first time I ran a mile on the treadmill I was so happy. Something so little had been so difficult for me and now I could do it. And then I could run 2 miles and then 3. Suddenly, I was a runner.
This is me after running 3.1 miles for the first time.
The week before the 5k, The Husband and I began running outside. All this time I had been telling The Husband "Oh I like the treadmill. It's nice." But I had NO idea what I was missing! Running outside was so beautiful and refreshing and not terrible at all! (see above for previous opinion) Something clicked during that week and I was hooked. Running had become my exercise of choice.
The Husband and I ran the 5k together in October and finished with a 34 min time. Not too terrible for a first timer, huh? I loved the atmosphere of hundreds of people running together and the cheering
So now The Husband and I are signed up for a Half Marathon on May 4th! I mentioned before that we've both had some injuries that have been keeping us from running. I've got terrible shin splints and he has a sprained ankle. So hopefully our official training will be starting up here pretty soon.
Happy Running Season Everyone!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Let's start at the beginning...
I've never really considered myself to be a very active person. With my oldest daughter, my husband was always the one who was playing with her by chasing her around the house or even doing something as simple as laying on the floor. I never did that kind of stuff. And then in March of 2012, something clicked with me. I honestly couldn't tell you exactly when it happened or even what triggered it specifically but something happened that made me say "enough is enough." I was tired of being fat. I was tired of being tired all the time(yes, I was pregnant and that is a good reason to be tired but I was overweight besides that).
You might think, oh i've thought that before, whats so different about that?. Well this time, for me something was different. I started mentioning to my family about how I was going to lose weight as soon as the baby was born. I talked with my husband over and over again about what I was going to do this time that would be different from other times. Yet, with the exception of my husband and possibly my mom, I got kind yet skeptical feedback from everyone. No one thought I would really do it. And that is what lit my fire. I knew I could do it, so this time had to be different. And it was.
I delivered my second daughter by c-section on April 24th, 2012. She was/is more than beautiful. Just 6 weeks later I went in on a tuesday for my postpartum doctor's appointment and was given the go-ahead to begin exercising. That night I weighed in (along with other members of my family who were going to be starting this journey with me) and I weighed 235.4 lbs. I might've cried a little. The funny thing is that I never considered myself to be fat. Yes, I knew I was overweight but I'd been considered "overweight" my whole life and in my head, fat was different than overweight. I used to watch The Biggest Loser and ask my husband if I looked like those women on the show. I knew I was the same if not heavier than some of those women and it blew my mind that they looked so "different" than I did. I didn't think I looked like they did. But I did. See?
Well my whole mindset has changed. I'm a completely different person now. I've lost 57 lbs. I weighed in this past week at 177.6.
Sorry you've probably seen that last picture before. I'm just proud of it. And now I want to write down everything I remember from this hard journey and everything left I have to go through. I still have 30 lbs to lose and I'm going to need all the help I can get. There's something about sharing your story and hearing other people's stories that makes you want to continue to work hard. I hope this blog is a place of inspiration and support for any and everyone who reads it. (and not too cheesy)
What do you think?
You might think, oh i've thought that before, whats so different about that?. Well this time, for me something was different. I started mentioning to my family about how I was going to lose weight as soon as the baby was born. I talked with my husband over and over again about what I was going to do this time that would be different from other times. Yet, with the exception of my husband and possibly my mom, I got kind yet skeptical feedback from everyone. No one thought I would really do it. And that is what lit my fire. I knew I could do it, so this time had to be different. And it was.
I delivered my second daughter by c-section on April 24th, 2012. She was/is more than beautiful. Just 6 weeks later I went in on a tuesday for my postpartum doctor's appointment and was given the go-ahead to begin exercising. That night I weighed in (along with other members of my family who were going to be starting this journey with me) and I weighed 235.4 lbs. I might've cried a little. The funny thing is that I never considered myself to be fat. Yes, I knew I was overweight but I'd been considered "overweight" my whole life and in my head, fat was different than overweight. I used to watch The Biggest Loser and ask my husband if I looked like those women on the show. I knew I was the same if not heavier than some of those women and it blew my mind that they looked so "different" than I did. I didn't think I looked like they did. But I did. See?
Well my whole mindset has changed. I'm a completely different person now. I've lost 57 lbs. I weighed in this past week at 177.6.
Sorry you've probably seen that last picture before. I'm just proud of it. And now I want to write down everything I remember from this hard journey and everything left I have to go through. I still have 30 lbs to lose and I'm going to need all the help I can get. There's something about sharing your story and hearing other people's stories that makes you want to continue to work hard. I hope this blog is a place of inspiration and support for any and everyone who reads it. (and not too cheesy)
What do you think?
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