Positively

Losing weight is a very tough thing. Its tough to start, it's tough to do and it's tough to keep off the weight you lose. While losing weight is a very positive choice, it is also full of a lot of negativity, at least in my case.

I chose to lose weight because I was overweight and along with being overweight I hated my body. The way I felt about myself effected everything I did and every relationship I had. That effect might not have been overwhelming but it was always there. After losing 50 lbs I started to like certain things about my body again. I liked how my arms had muscle definition. I liked that my stomach was flat again. I liked that my fingers were tiny and my wedding ring wasn't tight anymore. I even found more things to like when I lost 60 lbs.

Then somewhere around 65 lbs I started to forget about those things I liked about myself. I started focusing on the number on the scale and not how good I felt. My body started to look ugly to me again, never good enough.

Why is it, particularly as women, we feel inadequate? Think about what I had just done for a second (excuse my bragging momentarily). I had lost 65 lbs. I was capable of running for 2 hrs straight! I had reached multiple goals I had set. I was pretty amazing! And yet, even with all those positive things I had done and was capable of doing, I still felt like I was a little worthless.

This week in church someone gave an analogy that really hit home with me: When your child is learning to walk, do you scold them when they fall over? Of course not! They are beginning to learn and find their strength so you continue to encourage and support them. Our Heavenly Father is just like that with us. We are His children, even toddlers in His eyes and we are just learning. No matter what we do, how we fall, He is there to pick us back up and continue to encourage us.

That's what I've decided I need to learn. I need to forgive myself for making mistakes, falling over. I need to get back up and stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to continue to learn and grow.

So I'm concentrating on positive things. I want to find those things I like about myself again. So...here's a short list to start with.

1. I like my eyes. I think they're my best feature.
2. I like my singing voice. I'm not capable of ridiculous vocal feats but I'm good. :)
3. I like my hands. I think they're elegant.

Hopefully this list will continue to grow. I think that's exactly what I need to have happen before I can continue to get to a healthy weight.